Me: “What if a guy tells you you are spoiled?”
Soso: “It means he can't afford you.”
Me: “Yeah, yeah, I guess you are right.”
He started by asking me, “Is your father still in your life?” which led me to the discussion above with one of my soul-sisters. At first, I didn’t think anything of the question; we were still getting to know one another, but then he proceeded with (after I explained my father had died in 1999 and I never knew him because he left us when I was two years old to center his addiction) saying, “you are spoiled.” I said, “I’m spoiled? What makes you say that…where did that come from?” He said, “It’s how you carry yourself; you are spoiled.”
I sat momentarily and thought, ‘How do I carry myself…’? I carry myself with style, grace, dignity, and knowing, so I didn't feel slighted or offended by this calling (I did feel a tinge of shame for a moment by this label); instead staying with that shame (which was not his intention), I felt honored to have been seen in my fullness. So I smiled and said, “Well, you aren’t wrong!” I take pride in and love myself, but that wasn’t always the case. I said, “Isn’t everyone spoiled that is loved?” I knew that answer, but instead of feeling the need to defend, I tapped into my current practice of not taking anything personally, inspired by the four agreements, and moved on.
I hid my power, light, knowing, calling, and authentic voice for so long. I discovered my voice in 2016 when I started my 200-hour Yoga Teacher Training in Sherman Oaks, CA, when I’d only lived in LA for five years. I was nervous about moving to LA in 2011 without a job and living with my brother, his new baby (now 14), and his wife. I’d been used to living in a new city and state since I graduated from Auburn in 2005, and it was the most interesting job in the world. Living in a new city and state every eight weeks for six years. But I knew it was time to settle down and set up some roots…LA it is!
I am not shy, but growing up, I had to keep secrets, and it all started when I was nine. That quieted my voice (I didn’t know it then), but it seriously affected how I saw the world and let myself be seen.
So, while co-working with this new friend, being labeled spoiled didn’t upset me…it ignited me to keep doing the work and showing up for myself and little Alicia, who spent much of her childhood feeling alone and scared. I spoke to her and whispered that we are spoiled now, not because we are given everything without working hard for it, but because we can take care of ourselves, meet all our needs, and watch all our dreams come true time and time again. Our light never dimmed; even though we were often the catalyst of its extinguish, we still thrive.
This one is for my fellow “spoiled girls.” Keep shining, sis. I'm your biggest fan. Be a kind human. Live and love unapologetically, even if it makes people guess, wonder, and assume. I know what it takes to spoil yourself and be guided by leaps of face. I see you!
Stay Brave in your pursuit of JOY! I know for SURE I am…purrr!
In love and passion,
Alicia, aka your favorite Ram
